Beyond The Books

There are times when I sit down to write that my mind is such a mess, that it is hard for me to focus.  Who am I kidding? It is hard for me to focus anyway.  I was that child in school.  Day dreaming, my body being in a desk, but who knows where my mind was throughout class.  I have said it a thousand times, teachers molded my views of who I am more than anyone else.  They ranked right next to my parents.  Now as an adult, if you see me and think her parents must of... you need to put in there her teachers must of... whether good or bad they gave me views of the world around me and myself.  In this blog I might say things about teachers that could offend, though it is my passion, so beware.

It is that time of year where I hear, "Mom do you know who my teacher is, yet?"  My children struggle in school and always want to know who their teacher is for the year.  They have never been good readers because of learning disabilities. People think if a child has a learning disability it is a nice way to say, "They are not smart" or around here "They are a little slow."  That is not true.   They hate to read and it is hard for them.  It is not that they do not want to be better, but it so frustrates them that they do not want to deal with it.  Both of my boys have been misdiagnosed a time or two in their early school years.  Poor Landon was once told in 1st grade he needed to be held back as he excelled in every subject, but reading.  Upon further investigation, we decided to have him evaluated in reading and found out he was dyslexic.  After spending $500+ in evaluations, my first frustration was at the teacher.  Most people think teaching is about reading, math, science and social studies, but it really is not.  Yes, children get taught those things, and they need to learn those things, however that is not what makes a good teacher.  Good teachers go way beyond that. They mold you.  Hopefully in a good way.  My high frustration with Landon's 1st grade teacher was not because he struggled in reading,  it was she did not love or invest in him enough to know why he was struggling in reading, but at the end of the year wanted to hold him back because of it.  Luke over the years, same thing.   He has always been identified with a learning disability.  However, he is now entering middle school and out of all the years of elementary school there have been only 2 teachers that have impacted him.  Six years, 2 teachers.  Sad.

Out of 12 years as a student in public education, I can only name 4 teachers who really impacted my life and learning.  What that really means is about 70% of my learning experience in school was not memorable.  I do not remember the first book I read... however I do remember in 4th grade watching my teacher laugh and sing while sticking her middle finger up and her thumb out stating, "Look it is the state of WV," while we were learning about our state.  We all would giggle.  Her class loved her, because she wanted relationship with us.  We bought into fun as we learned.  She was nonconventional and we loved it.  She let us be us and she would applaud.  It did not matter what 'US' looked like as long as it was authentic.  We expected the same from her.  I could also go on and on about the other 3 teachers who I love and adore still to this day, but that is not the point.

My point is in this process and system of education there is much time wasted in creating real purpose.  Teachers feel as though they have such high demands that they often teach for the state test or whatever goal is being asked of them to pursue at the beginning of the year.  I see it as I sit in staff meetings when stress comes across a teacher's face when given more expectations when administration is talking about achievement.  Just this week I was talking to another teacher friend from another county who always has high state scores.  She brought up, "It is not hard to get good scores.  I teach from bell to bell.  That does not mean I am up there teaching, but my kids are learning.  I do not teach things for scores or test."  Honestly, I know her enough to know the key to her success... She builds relationships.  She creates a family.  Doesn't matter if little Susie's IQ is 65, she is family.

Teaching special education is a 'thankless' job.  It  can be very frustrating.  There is a lot of paperwork and high burnout rate.  Not only do I teach special education, but I teach at the bottom and most colleagues do not look at me as a teacher at all.  I teach Preschool Special Needs.  Which is federally mandated that public school systems must provide an educational environment for children with special needs starting at age three.  Guess who gets them? It is me.  Here is my goal this year, and hopefully every other year until I retire.  I am gonna love them and they are gonna be family.  I hope some will learn to speak, walk, eat, read or whatever their needs are, but for as long as I have them they will feel loved to be their authentic self.  My teacher friends invest in "beyond the books."  It will change your scores,  and your class atmosphere.  Hoping for everyone to have a great year, my foundational rock for this year will be me constantly telling myself... GO BEYOND THE BOOKS.

US and THEM

There are things in life I am not good at or with... I am not good at handling disappointment or hurt. Not sure if anyone is or not, but it is not my strong point.  I get stuck there at times to the point of anger and high frustrations.  I am also not good at standing my ground when I want to please others that I love.  I would rather you be pleased than do whatever I want, nevertheless feel as though each give is killing apart of me inside.  I muster through it for greater reasons like peace, and compromise.  Yet, when those things are not acknowledged the stickiness of the process begins this stir in me that I do not know how to handle.  There are times I want to hate because of hurt, but in a second glance feel so sorry for those that caused the hurt. Typically their lives are a pitiful mess that they themselves cannot see.

My greatest delight in thought is when I can place spiritual and secular/natural together.  Not church lingo or Christianese... but real connections of who I am holistically.  Or the understanding of who people really are holistically.  I was taught to stay away from the nasty in life.  The "Bad People" those that lie, cheat, and steal for whatever reason.  My biggest adult struggle is and was grasping that  God loves them just as much as he loves me.  Most might say, "Well Duh" to that thought.  What I am really saying is... living holy does not make God love me anymore than running a muck.  His stance never changes.  Living holy does not make me closer to God's love than it does if I cheat.  Isn't that the goal in Christianity to be closer to God?  However, the older I get I am understanding it is not my actions of what I am or not doing that draws me closer to God, but my transparency of the reality of me recognizing really who I am.

There is a minister named, Nadia Bolz-Weber, who also happens to be an author.  She now does little clips of thought on social media, but I first was approached by her thoughts through her book, "Accidental Saints, finding God in all the wrong people."  It is a great book that will change Christian goggles of who and what God is loving.  The dividing line that Christian puts in place typically of an 'US and Them.'  The longer I walk this life, I understand I am 'THEM' and 'US' is a made up thought never created by God, but by man.  That our journeys are not a one size fits all, and it is okay for it not to be.  Walking out your salvation is just that, your walk.  That thought gives a whole different stance of how we should view everything around us.

My thoughts this morning are circling.  Those that I say are pitiful messes that frustrate me, anger me, disappointment me, and hurt me...are exactly the same as this pitiful mess.  I am 'THEM.'  God loves them just as much as he loves me.  Secular society defines us by labels, but that is not how we are seen through the eyes of God. There is no dividing line.  We are all his and he loves all the same with the same measure.  I know that challenges theology in my little Bible belt.  I am okay with that.  I would rather me let God love me for my authentic self than to work up a self that is untrue.  I get so judgmental when I watch others think they are better than others, yet I do the same in other ways.  It might not be because of material things, but it happens with spiritual things, moral, and ethical ways. You know the core of people, which is the worse place to judge, because we are all so flawed.  We/I cast stones labeled from the labels given to us which reproduce this vicious cycle of destroying one's spirit.  How about that for Christian?  I guess my reality this morning is those that hurt and frustrate me are me... mirrored, and it is actually the cause of my hurt and frustration.  I am 'THEM.'  (OUCH!)