This morning I despise dogs. It is not all dogs, however it is our dogs. Tandy has been leaving early for work and it seems they all believe we need to go with her. This morning by 6:30, I heard the kitchen door close and then romper room in the bedroom. Charlee, the pup, seems to think it is the best thing to roll Millie, the middle age English Bulldog. It does not happen just once, but it is continual and then they start to get mouthy at each other. It is typical sibling behavior. Then there is poor Bella, 100 lbs Golden Lab, who deserves as much peace as possible just because she is old and should get it out of respect. But Charlee is not having that either, as she will tug at her collar. Once we are at that point I must get up, because Bella does not deserve the play nor can her old body take it. There was a time Bella would have put her in her place, but not now. Since Bella's best friend died, Gabby, she has never been the same. We were hoping Charlee would perk her up a little, but it seems she is just a nuisance to her. Bella has mothered every other animal we have ever had, and with Gabby she was her protector for her end of life.
I am probably just weeks away from making a decision about Bella. I do not want her to suffer. It is hard for her to walk. I can tell she is starting to get confused and it's hard for her to focus her sight. We have to water her food down for her to now eat it, and we do not have enough rugs on the tile floors for her not to slip to stand. Could I give her pills to prolong it all? Probably. Should I? I do not think so. There is no doubt that she loves her family. She worries about her boys when they go off to play. Greets us with a smile and a wagging tail if she hears our voices call her name. Is it all the time? No. We are at the point of change from who she was to now who she must be.
Age does that I think. It puts us in our place in the world. If I was still in what I "was" my place would look a whole lot different. Honestly, it could have gone many avenues of extreme. There was a time in my young life that I could have chosen a life of drugs and petty crime. Not sure what changed that path, other than strategic placement of people in my life, teachers, coaches, bosses... During that time my parents were their own messes and I was sliding around just trying not to get caught. My dad now thanks me that was not the extreme to be my place. Then there was a an extreme of holy-roller. My vision was to be a missionary and marry an African man somewhere on a mission field in Africa. That too was diverted in my 20s as I struggled internally. I now thank myself that was not my place, because I would have missed exactly where I am. I do not regret all the "was" because it makes me cherish where I am. The "was" made me keep searching for something, but the now makes me full. I found my place.
My place now just wants to be kind to others, give what I have to give, and live in peace. Seems simple enough. However, at 6:30 in the morning, with these dogs there is not much peace, and I do not want to be kind. Until I see Bella, which makes me understand placement is important. We can change another's life as they too transition from "was" to who they must be, however if only I am in the right place.
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Church Code
This morning I woke up and wanted to see what is going on in the world, and the first source I go to... Facebook. I am not sure why we justify thinking it is an information source, however one of my friends made the comment... "If you don't hear in church today that the policy of 'Family Separation' is incompatible with Christianity find another church." All to which began my search on different church pages. It is funny how most are the same. We believe.... Our Pastor... Service times... all wrapped up in a different box trying to sell the same thing, but in turn gets us what? Your money? You? Your family? Gives you community? I hate to sound so cynical of 'church' lately, but it is just the place I am. Wrapping my mind around these displays of hate all the while the "CHURCH" sits back and calls it love. Those that fight the smoke and mirrors within Christianity will most likely be cast as 'not saved.' Which once again, thought provoking.
As I scanned it was interesting that NOT one page of a church stated, "We care about the lives of humans and humanity. We care that people are loved no matter their history, present, or future." Now, you get a little close when you see 'All are Welcome' or 'We are open and affirming.' However, that just means SHHHH!! Gays attend THAT church or can. I have to laugh because, it is all Christian Church Code. What I have found those churches depth are very shallow within the area in which I live, yet are excepting. They do not want to offend so the word they give does not have roots. On the other side, churches in the area go so far as to lock the doors if someone is different in any form. Scared they might catch something, like poor, gay, black, white, or even worse everything they have ever been taught challenged, because they just might love another.
I try not to challenge my local friends too much in making them decided or make lines with or about my family. We just try to be us. We are loved, asked to be included in the things we are involved in, but I know we are not welcomed in churches. However, most do not agree in the whys or at least I believe they don't. I love to talk Jesus, but find myself just getting to listen about Jesus, because most think I am not worthy to talk about him. Or what in the world would I actually know about him. I can tell you I can relate to almost every character of the Bible. The woman with the 'issue of blood' pushing through to touch just the hem of his garment. Knowing she couldn't be close to him, because she was unclean. The Pharisees' as they wanted to stone a woman in judgement, then realize "Who am I to judge?" Once Jesus brought it to their attention. Peter walking on water. Starts out believing then losing sight of Jesus, so he falls. Moses running from his call. (Too much there.) I could go on and on.
The political climate does not help in any form of this divide...it is hard to cipher out who is safe and who is not, yet then the Church wonders why we are not growing or are not sustaining. People are starting to wake-up and see this display is not love and frankly does not want it to represent them. Are there any answers? Probably not. Can we fix it? I am not sure. Where is Jesus? Same place I left him. On the throne. So... I wait. I trust. I pray.
As I scanned it was interesting that NOT one page of a church stated, "We care about the lives of humans and humanity. We care that people are loved no matter their history, present, or future." Now, you get a little close when you see 'All are Welcome' or 'We are open and affirming.' However, that just means SHHHH!! Gays attend THAT church or can. I have to laugh because, it is all Christian Church Code. What I have found those churches depth are very shallow within the area in which I live, yet are excepting. They do not want to offend so the word they give does not have roots. On the other side, churches in the area go so far as to lock the doors if someone is different in any form. Scared they might catch something, like poor, gay, black, white, or even worse everything they have ever been taught challenged, because they just might love another.
I try not to challenge my local friends too much in making them decided or make lines with or about my family. We just try to be us. We are loved, asked to be included in the things we are involved in, but I know we are not welcomed in churches. However, most do not agree in the whys or at least I believe they don't. I love to talk Jesus, but find myself just getting to listen about Jesus, because most think I am not worthy to talk about him. Or what in the world would I actually know about him. I can tell you I can relate to almost every character of the Bible. The woman with the 'issue of blood' pushing through to touch just the hem of his garment. Knowing she couldn't be close to him, because she was unclean. The Pharisees' as they wanted to stone a woman in judgement, then realize "Who am I to judge?" Once Jesus brought it to their attention. Peter walking on water. Starts out believing then losing sight of Jesus, so he falls. Moses running from his call. (Too much there.) I could go on and on.
The political climate does not help in any form of this divide...it is hard to cipher out who is safe and who is not, yet then the Church wonders why we are not growing or are not sustaining. People are starting to wake-up and see this display is not love and frankly does not want it to represent them. Are there any answers? Probably not. Can we fix it? I am not sure. Where is Jesus? Same place I left him. On the throne. So... I wait. I trust. I pray.
Friday, June 15, 2018
Game of Hearts
A couple of weeks ago I posted on my Facebook page, "Sometimes, it is not easy to do the right thing...Do you play by the rules or do you play by the hearts? Sometimes, those things conflict. I would venture to say hearts always should come first. Even Jesus broke the rules for hearts." I made that statement after there was some local conflict in the community over a Little League championship baseball game. Over and over this lesson has been a challenge for me. The lesson of "Hearts." Once again this is not an always rule, which makes it even more difficult to learn. When do you apply it? When do you not? Misusing or misunderstanding it could lead to people running you over, or others not following rules at all and expecting you to cave. Or there are those times you will run over hearts at the expense to get what you want... for the sake of competition. I see it time and time again. We put in the best players to win youth league games instead of letting everyone play. We pick all-stars based off of who the parents are or what they contribute instead of the child's ability. Hopefully, as children get older that stops some...However, some is the operative word. I once heard a High School football coach talk about removing a player out of a position. It was not the best fit for the team, but they were worried about the backlash because the parents were very much part of the school system. That is why I like being President of the Youth Football League. There are no all-stars. Once again we are the ones that typically mess it up for our children.
Back to "Hearts"... I am at this place in life where I hate fluffy bullshit. Give me real. Give me real people around me. Be honest about the place you are in life. Do not play me. Do not try to con me. Do not lie to me. Just be real. I am not at the place where it is ok for Christians to play church. People to hide their nastiness behind organized religion, or people think goodness comes from donating money yet their character displays they are a thief. There are very few pure people in the world. You know those that mess up and own it, or try to make it right. Certainly, those do not hide it or run from it. Facing it is a scary thing but being real is a very freeing thing in life. I talk of Jesus not because of organized religion, but my faith is very real to me and I am very real to it. But the "Church" in the packages that it gives has failed me, and mostly everyone else. It was once said to me, "We would have to teach Jesus church." Think about that. Kind of turns my stomach really. I love being around those raw people. People who display who they are the moment they speak a word. Whether it be crass language or articulate sensitive speech, I love the realness. Over my journey in and with organized religion, I have been kicked out of Bible school for being real, asked to not speak because I was real, asked to not sing because I was real, asked to not love because I was real, asked to hide the truth because I was real, asked to not be in leadership because I was honest, and turn a blind-eye to leaders that steal, lie, manipulate, threaten, all the while organized religion protects it. All Denominates hide it, and then put the stamp of In the Name of Jesus all over it. Two scriptures come to mind Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13. "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offering." In Matthew Jesus says, " Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." How many hearts have been sacrificed instead of shown mercy? How many hearts have been sacrificed for a win? How many hearts have been sacrificed in the essence of laws, rules, lies, and manipulations?
I am left daily with the making decisions of how many hearts will this cost. But learning when you spare hearts you can never go wrong, because mercy will find you.
Back to "Hearts"... I am at this place in life where I hate fluffy bullshit. Give me real. Give me real people around me. Be honest about the place you are in life. Do not play me. Do not try to con me. Do not lie to me. Just be real. I am not at the place where it is ok for Christians to play church. People to hide their nastiness behind organized religion, or people think goodness comes from donating money yet their character displays they are a thief. There are very few pure people in the world. You know those that mess up and own it, or try to make it right. Certainly, those do not hide it or run from it. Facing it is a scary thing but being real is a very freeing thing in life. I talk of Jesus not because of organized religion, but my faith is very real to me and I am very real to it. But the "Church" in the packages that it gives has failed me, and mostly everyone else. It was once said to me, "We would have to teach Jesus church." Think about that. Kind of turns my stomach really. I love being around those raw people. People who display who they are the moment they speak a word. Whether it be crass language or articulate sensitive speech, I love the realness. Over my journey in and with organized religion, I have been kicked out of Bible school for being real, asked to not speak because I was real, asked to not sing because I was real, asked to not love because I was real, asked to hide the truth because I was real, asked to not be in leadership because I was honest, and turn a blind-eye to leaders that steal, lie, manipulate, threaten, all the while organized religion protects it. All Denominates hide it, and then put the stamp of In the Name of Jesus all over it. Two scriptures come to mind Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13. "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offering." In Matthew Jesus says, " Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." How many hearts have been sacrificed instead of shown mercy? How many hearts have been sacrificed for a win? How many hearts have been sacrificed in the essence of laws, rules, lies, and manipulations?
I am left daily with the making decisions of how many hearts will this cost. But learning when you spare hearts you can never go wrong, because mercy will find you.
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