When the Race is Gone

I have always heard life is, "A Rat Race."  This constant way of life fiercely competitive struggle; always needing to gain something.  What happens when it stops?  What happens when something beyond our control makes it ALL just stop.  I am learning most of us have grown such accustom to the Race that we begin to itch, twitch, and beg for the fix of the race again.  It is the most addictive drug to our system.  We blindly need it no matter who the dealer might be or drug of choice.

When I stop to think what has the Race stolen from me, because all good drugs take and never give.  You see they are masked in snippets of achievements measured by the Race itself. The quick fix to make you to just keep running.  I must ask myself when I have been in detox for two months and now can clearly think and feel outside of the race; What have I been missing?  What has this world been missing?  My core answer comes back to CREATIVITY.  The act of creating.

We often associate that word with art or an artist.  And in away, yes it should stay there. But the act of creating changes the view ever so slightly, to make it applicable to all things in life.  The Race makes you create quickly, rush, push, and the quality gets lost because everyone is in the Race together.  Those that make the Race slow down, during the marathon are looked at as lost, can't find their way, somewhat of community outcast.

From this point on my life can never be the same.  The act of creating must be applied, in love, in relationships, and in every facet of my small little nugget of this world.  The Race did not teach me that. It has stolen it from me. I hear and feel the itching, twitching, and begging for the drug, we  all are in detox.  There is a cleansing of our system happening.  Understand while in detox, we do not realize that there is a refueling happening to us.  We all are just trying to breakout of rehab.  We were not made for the Race.  We have let the Race make us.  It will all change from here.  So brace yourself and learn to create.  It is what will get us through.

Through His Hands

I have had recent dealings with the past.  The past meaning people who have really hurt me and my family deeply.  My typical response is to be cordial, however inside of me boils like lava.  Some people like to stay in that hate, but I do not.  I wrestle with it.  I strive for things to have reconciliation and resolve.  In the last two days, I have realized that is not an outward action, but an internal one.  There is a theological myth that God creates everything to happen.  It is a lie that is taught by Churches, and Denominations.  God never wants loved ones to die, have cancer, children murdered, people starving, you get the point.  So we wrestle with events because we claim God's creation of it.  This is where my reconciliation and resolve starts... God did not create hurt in my life no matter what it is.  However, it does pass through his hands.  (That is a lot to chew on.)  All Goliaths in our lives have big swords.  They pierce and cut, because that is the swords purpose, along with the big scary giant.  We throw stones at it and feel the battle is over because we knocked the giant down, until the past shows up.  I am learning the very things that cut and pierce are the very things that set you free.  If I let my understanding go to a place that God did not create awful hurt in my life or events that take place, only then does my interpretations change about the events.
We often live in chains of emotions, keeping ourselves there because of traumatic events.  Our internal voice will act as though, "I am chained to this..." but if we changed our interpretation of where we are, "This is chained to me." We now see the passing through of his hand.  Situations of jealousy, paranoia, control, deceit, manipulation, and lies might have tried to attack me in the past by the sword, but what I did not realize is it was all passing through his hands to get me out.  When we can say that, understand that, this ACTUALLY is when the battle is over and you can stand over the giant with it's own sword because you cut it's head off.  No more is this chained to me or I chained to it. Then the deep understanding of famous quoted verse, (Rom. 8:28)"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." Why? Because all things pass through his hands.

Confession

During my morning reading, I realized something that I never would have thought true of me.  I have been taught to think, act, believe, of the ideologies of slavery.  Yes, that is a heavy statement, but it is true.  I am sure there are many more than myself and we do not even realize it.  It is the very core of concepts we have been taught our whole lives.  Here is the statement that made me go...ugh...my whole life I have done this, been apart of this, led this, taught this, received this... You get the picture.

"Let's be very clear, slavery is an abomination; it's a mindset against the revelation of Jesus.  Slavery is a fallen-world system birthed from a theology of control.  It didn't exist before the fall and doesn't exist in heaven.  It is a reality in absolute opposition to sovereign love."
-Jason Clark, God Is (Not) in Control

There are two ways to live out our lives. Control or Love.  Aside from our relationship with our Creator, or our God, which also will show evidence of our life theologies, the basis always will stem from Control or Love.  Out of those life theologies comes two types of surrender in our lives, forced or voluntary.  Think about all the things you do...your job, family, church, friendships etc.  Are they forced or voluntary?  No matter the circumstances forced surrender demands control, a system of slavery.  Love does not demand control it is voluntary surrender.  It empowers freedom, kindness, and trust.

Here is my personal confession.  If I have lived out areas of my life by forced surrender, a thought system of slavery, then I have also produced and projected that same system in that area of my life without ever realizing it.  Yikes! Ouch. Ugh.  Thinking back at pivotal moments in my life, almost ALL were geared by control and in the moment of almost total take over and dominance my life then changes direction. Interesting?  Call it luck, God, rebellion, or revelation; No matter what you deem it, truth is now in my journey I see it.

To Be Continued...

The Truth Shall Set You Free

I guess this morning something needed to be settled in my spirit.  Maybe, it has been for quite sometime, and there is someone out there in internet land that needs to hear it.  There are the beliefs of the the Bible that have been told to us that skew our thinking of the world around us.  I have found it probably one of the most difficult things to deal with as I sort out faith and beliefs in my journey.  I call it deprograming.  I desperately want to see the Word and know God in an un-skewed way.  I do not believe those who have tainted scripture have meant for it to happen or that it was intentional.  I would like to hope not, anyway.  They were just doing their best.  I always find myself in conversations with others that challenge what Great Papaw, Sister Mary, or good ole Brother Paul (all made up people) said about scriptures to innocent immature believers which take every word as TRUTH.  I use to be one of those.  However, there was always this part of me that wanted to challenge things said to me that felt like attacks at me more than setting me free. I have always tried to hold tight to scripture as I muddy through the waters of the world.  At times it is/was like a record playing over and over.  "The Truth Shall Set You Free."  Funny how the record that gets played is in King James Version, and I would assume I should thank Appalachia for that.  Nevertheless, my challenging typically was deemed REBELLIOUS.

Seventeen years ago, there were words spoken over me that at different times have crept up to beat me down.  Call it the devil.  Call it conscience.  Call it truth.  It doesn't it really matter what you want it to be, but it would just happen.  It is like a nagging child singing and pointing, "Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah."  Here are the words, "Worthy of Repentance." Those words changed the whole course of my life. I was at a Missionary School, which was a diving board to do ministry around the world, and those words were spoken to me about my life.  I displayed, "NO FRUIT OF REPENTANCE."  Therefore, I was not worthy enough to stay.  I use to continually play it in my head, "How can I have fruit of repentance when I do not believe I have sinned?  How can I repent about who I am or what God made me to be?"  None of it ever made sense to me.  I really for seventeen years have chucked it up as crazy religious talk until this morning.  I was coming down the stairs and there it was again, playing like a favorite record, "Fruit of Repentance...Worthy of Repentance."  First question that came to my mind was, Why is this happening? Surely, I am way beyond this?"  Then, "Maybe this isn't for me?  I must give it away."  The Truth Shall Set You Free.

I ask that you stay with me for the rest of this blog don't stop reading even if it challenges your thinking, faith, or beliefs about the Word of God.  I know it is hard Appalachian Bible Believers, please feel free and actually I want you to go to your Bible and check what I am saying.  Okay, here we go....

John the Baptist was referenced in Matthew 3:8 and Luke 3:8 in saying, "Bear fruits worthy of repentance."  He was talking to the Pharisees and Sadducees in reference to not being worthy to God just because of your ancestors.  That it is a heart change not a lineage.  Now if I take it out of context and focus on WORTHY OF REPENTANCE, then it takes on a whole other attack.  If you continue to ready Matthew 3, John the Baptist goes onto say, "He is not worthy to even hold Jesus' shoes.  So hold on... We must be Worthy of Repentance, but John is not worthy to hold Jesus' shoes?  Hmmm?  I also would argue John the Baptist speaks from a Law stand point and not a Grace stand point, because our Grace had yet to come.  Hear me when I say, "WE WILL NEVER BE WORTHY."  What we have gained by Christ we never will be worthy of... we do not deserve the due reward.  NO ONE. NO WHERE.  Stop standing over people like you deserve something that others do not.  We are all the same.  You show grace and mercy because you know grace and mercy have been shown to you, because you did not deserve it.  You show love no matter what, because love has been shown to you when you did not deserve it.  We are all the same.  The drug addict, prostitute, Bible thumper, prayer warrior, gay, black, white, brown, American, Muslim, WE ARE ALL THE SAME.  God loves a thief as much as God loves the pastor.  Stop treating people shitty.  Paul writes in Romans 3 because he understood he did not deserve anything... (He killed Christians, yet God made him a mouth piece to change the world.)  There is no one who is righteous, not even one.  (v.20) "For no human being will be justified in his sight...(v.22) the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for ALL who believe. For there is NO distinction, (v.23) since ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, (v.24) they are now justified by HIS GRACE as a gift....  Stop in Heaven's name trying to steal a gift from others and even taking yours away.  We will never be Worthy of Repentance not today, not tomorrow, not ever.  My only worthy is Christ.  Christ is for all.  And when you get it, there will be no dividing lines of anything.  THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!  So instead of walking around standing over people stealing their gift of worth, maybe just maybe, you realize your own, and then give away the gift.

What's That Smell

Christmas break with everyone has been great until this morning, when I woke up to the aroma of dog shit.  Ugh... That never typically happens and Tandy and I never agree on the guilty party, however we both agree it wasn't Millie (English Bulldog).  I wrestle all the time with Bella, our old Golden, about the time to put her down.  It is a hard decision, but we are at the point that we check to see if she is breathing sometimes.  I am sure sensible and heart-led pet owners all have this struggle to say, "Ok, it is time."

During Christmas break I have been with people of different beliefs, faiths, political views, economical status, genders, cultures, and intelligence.  The interesting part of it all was we all say the same things in our own way, "When is it time?"  I am not just saying it about particular issues of the world, but we all say it.  "When is it time to... take that trip.... change a job...get up...move...feel better...love more...let go...hold on?"  We tend to think about the bigger issues of the world first, political views and changes, investigations, walls, government shut downs, wars, discriminations, and dehumanizations.  Those are all very important...very important, but to be honest I am just a small drop in an ocean that needs the color of the water to change.  Those changes take time.  Smaller changes, self changes can happen right now.  Nevertheless, most of us sit and say, "When is it time to...?"

I have also taken notice that there is a very fine line with tolerance, mercy, and enabling which most of us have not figured out and it creates most of our life problems big or small.  The end result of us not finding balance or clarity of tolerance, mercy, and enabling is the same.  We wake up smelling shit.  By the time we decide to talk to family or friends about issues we have already smelt the shit.  Then you start the cycle of, "I don't know what to do."  As you bounce off ideas from those you love or respect for solutions, constantly in your nostrils is that stench you woke-up to... shit.

I personally at times am waiting to wake-up.  With different issues, I have gotten accustom to the smell.  I will own it.  Not sure if there is anyway to wake-up once that happens or maybe I am not suppose to, however it is clear that someone somewhere who is sensible and heart-led will say to me, "Ok, it is time,"  whenever I need it.  I am blessed that way.  I always use the thought, It takes a community or village to raise a child so chose yours wisely.  In Appalachia, it is very common to hear terrible grammar or crazy slang... "But I am not done with my raisen."  I need all the community and village I can get, because I understand my weaknesses and at times wake-up to the smell of shit.

Last Words

As I have sat today and watched the funeral events for our 41st President, it makes me emotional.  This is going to be a short thought for today,  however two things are constantly running in my mind. What would be my last words?  How will I be remembered?  I agree with the messages today during the service.  We all have an imprint we place on the world; What will mine be?  Have I been kind enough? Loved enough?  Taught the boys enough?  Extended my hand enough?  As we live this life I am not sure ENOUGH will ever happen.  But it was stated today and even throughout the Bible, "The  Vision of Life does not happen until Death."  So it is not mine to display.  The goal now is to not ever let ENOUGH happen.

Leashed Love

It to me is blistering cold outside this morning especially at the crack of dawn.  I am sure spending last week in Florida does not help me to stop thinking about how cold the weather feels in comparison of actual temperature.  Since we have been back, sleep is not a high priority for Charlee (the now over grown puppy) to let me sleep.  For the last two nights she has slept on me, beside me, and at 4 a.m. decides the bed is not the place she wants either of us to be.  So I then move down to the basement by the fire hoping she will be happy with that, but that too doesn't work.  Then I spend the next three hours until I can no longer bare it saying, "STOP CHARLEE, NO CHARLEE, GO LAY DOWN CHARLEE."  Welp, now all is well with the world for Charlee because I am up and now she is calm. Figures.  How do you love something so much, yet hate it at the same time?  The worse part about this season with Charlee is deer patrol.  Yes, deer patrol.  We are filtrated by deer daily, which drives Charlee nuts.  Running from windows to doors, barking.  I have never prayed for hunters, but I am this season.  Hunters please come and stay with us.  Tandy will cook and you can shoot all you want from our deck. Actually,  just walk out our front door.  Charlee will run them off if we let her out, but I worry she will get shot herself chasing them.  She gets so proud of it when she does, but it just stresses us out.  Leash walking it is until, fingers crossed, hunters have their way.

Charlee reminds me about somethings I have seen this week and people in general.  People do the same things as Charlee, they run from windows to doors barking to be heard.  Barking to scare off something out there that might be dangerous.  It is a scary time we live in right now, with all the barking.  You never know if someone will actually storm out the door to attack or do they have a leash on.  Left or Right, people have lost their humanity.  It is funny to me how one side will naturally always think that they are indefinitely correct in their thoughts, and ideas.  News Flash or Fake News, however your view, NO ONE IS CORRECT 100% of the time.   Barking has thrown ethics and morality to the way-side.  Last night we drove past a marque of a church that I highly regard which said, "Be Thankful for our Religious Liberties."  Do we have those?  I mean in theory we do.  However, there is a lot of barking at you if you if you do not claim Christianity.  I know there are plenty of Muslims that wonder if the barking will ever lead to an attack.   

Two memes that I've read this week have really bothered me.  One has come from the Left and the other from the Right.  The first meme was about Michelle Obama's new book.  It showed someone throwing away the book in the trash then says, "This is how you read Michelle Obama's new book."  The second meme has a picture of Ivanka Trump with the statement, "LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!" Attaching the story of her using a personal email account for government business.  Both memes were posted by seemly people that I think are good people, but it very much gave me a different view of them.  Is it all just barking?  I don't know. However, the barking makes us focus on the barker.  It keeps us all on alert.  Here is the lesson I am learning and definitely learned this morning,   if I just get up instead of saying, "STOP CHARLEE, NO CHARLEE, GO LAY DOWN CHARLEE" the barking tends to stop faster and a leash shows I love her, which stops the attacks.  Maybe, if we all just would get up the calm would come.