This morning I despise dogs. It is not all dogs, however it is our dogs. Tandy has been leaving early for work and it seems they all believe we need to go with her. This morning by 6:30, I heard the kitchen door close and then romper room in the bedroom. Charlee, the pup, seems to think it is the best thing to roll Millie, the middle age English Bulldog. It does not happen just once, but it is continual and then they start to get mouthy at each other. It is typical sibling behavior. Then there is poor Bella, 100 lbs Golden Lab, who deserves as much peace as possible just because she is old and should get it out of respect. But Charlee is not having that either, as she will tug at her collar. Once we are at that point I must get up, because Bella does not deserve the play nor can her old body take it. There was a time Bella would have put her in her place, but not now. Since Bella's best friend died, Gabby, she has never been the same. We were hoping Charlee would perk her up a little, but it seems she is just a nuisance to her. Bella has mothered every other animal we have ever had, and with Gabby she was her protector for her end of life.
I am probably just weeks away from making a decision about Bella. I do not want her to suffer. It is hard for her to walk. I can tell she is starting to get confused and it's hard for her to focus her sight. We have to water her food down for her to now eat it, and we do not have enough rugs on the tile floors for her not to slip to stand. Could I give her pills to prolong it all? Probably. Should I? I do not think so. There is no doubt that she loves her family. She worries about her boys when they go off to play. Greets us with a smile and a wagging tail if she hears our voices call her name. Is it all the time? No. We are at the point of change from who she was to now who she must be.
Age does that I think. It puts us in our place in the world. If I was still in what I "was" my place would look a whole lot different. Honestly, it could have gone many avenues of extreme. There was a time in my young life that I could have chosen a life of drugs and petty crime. Not sure what changed that path, other than strategic placement of people in my life, teachers, coaches, bosses... During that time my parents were their own messes and I was sliding around just trying not to get caught. My dad now thanks me that was not the extreme to be my place. Then there was a an extreme of holy-roller. My vision was to be a missionary and marry an African man somewhere on a mission field in Africa. That too was diverted in my 20s as I struggled internally. I now thank myself that was not my place, because I would have missed exactly where I am. I do not regret all the "was" because it makes me cherish where I am. The "was" made me keep searching for something, but the now makes me full. I found my place.
My place now just wants to be kind to others, give what I have to give, and live in peace. Seems simple enough. However, at 6:30 in the morning, with these dogs there is not much peace, and I do not want to be kind. Until I see Bella, which makes me understand placement is important. We can change another's life as they too transition from "was" to who they must be, however if only I am in the right place.
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