This morning I despise dogs. It is not all dogs, however it is our dogs. Tandy has been leaving early for work and it seems they all believe we need to go with her. This morning by 6:30, I heard the kitchen door close and then romper room in the bedroom. Charlee, the pup, seems to think it is the best thing to roll Millie, the middle age English Bulldog. It does not happen just once, but it is continual and then they start to get mouthy at each other. It is typical sibling behavior. Then there is poor Bella, 100 lbs Golden Lab, who deserves as much peace as possible just because she is old and should get it out of respect. But Charlee is not having that either, as she will tug at her collar. Once we are at that point I must get up, because Bella does not deserve the play nor can her old body take it. There was a time Bella would have put her in her place, but not now. Since Bella's best friend died, Gabby, she has never been the same. We were hoping Charlee would perk her up a little, but it seems she is just a nuisance to her. Bella has mothered every other animal we have ever had, and with Gabby she was her protector for her end of life.
I am probably just weeks away from making a decision about Bella. I do not want her to suffer. It is hard for her to walk. I can tell she is starting to get confused and it's hard for her to focus her sight. We have to water her food down for her to now eat it, and we do not have enough rugs on the tile floors for her not to slip to stand. Could I give her pills to prolong it all? Probably. Should I? I do not think so. There is no doubt that she loves her family. She worries about her boys when they go off to play. Greets us with a smile and a wagging tail if she hears our voices call her name. Is it all the time? No. We are at the point of change from who she was to now who she must be.
Age does that I think. It puts us in our place in the world. If I was still in what I "was" my place would look a whole lot different. Honestly, it could have gone many avenues of extreme. There was a time in my young life that I could have chosen a life of drugs and petty crime. Not sure what changed that path, other than strategic placement of people in my life, teachers, coaches, bosses... During that time my parents were their own messes and I was sliding around just trying not to get caught. My dad now thanks me that was not the extreme to be my place. Then there was a an extreme of holy-roller. My vision was to be a missionary and marry an African man somewhere on a mission field in Africa. That too was diverted in my 20s as I struggled internally. I now thank myself that was not my place, because I would have missed exactly where I am. I do not regret all the "was" because it makes me cherish where I am. The "was" made me keep searching for something, but the now makes me full. I found my place.
My place now just wants to be kind to others, give what I have to give, and live in peace. Seems simple enough. However, at 6:30 in the morning, with these dogs there is not much peace, and I do not want to be kind. Until I see Bella, which makes me understand placement is important. We can change another's life as they too transition from "was" to who they must be, however if only I am in the right place.
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Church Code
This morning I woke up and wanted to see what is going on in the world, and the first source I go to... Facebook. I am not sure why we justify thinking it is an information source, however one of my friends made the comment... "If you don't hear in church today that the policy of 'Family Separation' is incompatible with Christianity find another church." All to which began my search on different church pages. It is funny how most are the same. We believe.... Our Pastor... Service times... all wrapped up in a different box trying to sell the same thing, but in turn gets us what? Your money? You? Your family? Gives you community? I hate to sound so cynical of 'church' lately, but it is just the place I am. Wrapping my mind around these displays of hate all the while the "CHURCH" sits back and calls it love. Those that fight the smoke and mirrors within Christianity will most likely be cast as 'not saved.' Which once again, thought provoking.
As I scanned it was interesting that NOT one page of a church stated, "We care about the lives of humans and humanity. We care that people are loved no matter their history, present, or future." Now, you get a little close when you see 'All are Welcome' or 'We are open and affirming.' However, that just means SHHHH!! Gays attend THAT church or can. I have to laugh because, it is all Christian Church Code. What I have found those churches depth are very shallow within the area in which I live, yet are excepting. They do not want to offend so the word they give does not have roots. On the other side, churches in the area go so far as to lock the doors if someone is different in any form. Scared they might catch something, like poor, gay, black, white, or even worse everything they have ever been taught challenged, because they just might love another.
I try not to challenge my local friends too much in making them decided or make lines with or about my family. We just try to be us. We are loved, asked to be included in the things we are involved in, but I know we are not welcomed in churches. However, most do not agree in the whys or at least I believe they don't. I love to talk Jesus, but find myself just getting to listen about Jesus, because most think I am not worthy to talk about him. Or what in the world would I actually know about him. I can tell you I can relate to almost every character of the Bible. The woman with the 'issue of blood' pushing through to touch just the hem of his garment. Knowing she couldn't be close to him, because she was unclean. The Pharisees' as they wanted to stone a woman in judgement, then realize "Who am I to judge?" Once Jesus brought it to their attention. Peter walking on water. Starts out believing then losing sight of Jesus, so he falls. Moses running from his call. (Too much there.) I could go on and on.
The political climate does not help in any form of this divide...it is hard to cipher out who is safe and who is not, yet then the Church wonders why we are not growing or are not sustaining. People are starting to wake-up and see this display is not love and frankly does not want it to represent them. Are there any answers? Probably not. Can we fix it? I am not sure. Where is Jesus? Same place I left him. On the throne. So... I wait. I trust. I pray.
As I scanned it was interesting that NOT one page of a church stated, "We care about the lives of humans and humanity. We care that people are loved no matter their history, present, or future." Now, you get a little close when you see 'All are Welcome' or 'We are open and affirming.' However, that just means SHHHH!! Gays attend THAT church or can. I have to laugh because, it is all Christian Church Code. What I have found those churches depth are very shallow within the area in which I live, yet are excepting. They do not want to offend so the word they give does not have roots. On the other side, churches in the area go so far as to lock the doors if someone is different in any form. Scared they might catch something, like poor, gay, black, white, or even worse everything they have ever been taught challenged, because they just might love another.
I try not to challenge my local friends too much in making them decided or make lines with or about my family. We just try to be us. We are loved, asked to be included in the things we are involved in, but I know we are not welcomed in churches. However, most do not agree in the whys or at least I believe they don't. I love to talk Jesus, but find myself just getting to listen about Jesus, because most think I am not worthy to talk about him. Or what in the world would I actually know about him. I can tell you I can relate to almost every character of the Bible. The woman with the 'issue of blood' pushing through to touch just the hem of his garment. Knowing she couldn't be close to him, because she was unclean. The Pharisees' as they wanted to stone a woman in judgement, then realize "Who am I to judge?" Once Jesus brought it to their attention. Peter walking on water. Starts out believing then losing sight of Jesus, so he falls. Moses running from his call. (Too much there.) I could go on and on.
The political climate does not help in any form of this divide...it is hard to cipher out who is safe and who is not, yet then the Church wonders why we are not growing or are not sustaining. People are starting to wake-up and see this display is not love and frankly does not want it to represent them. Are there any answers? Probably not. Can we fix it? I am not sure. Where is Jesus? Same place I left him. On the throne. So... I wait. I trust. I pray.
Friday, June 15, 2018
Game of Hearts
A couple of weeks ago I posted on my Facebook page, "Sometimes, it is not easy to do the right thing...Do you play by the rules or do you play by the hearts? Sometimes, those things conflict. I would venture to say hearts always should come first. Even Jesus broke the rules for hearts." I made that statement after there was some local conflict in the community over a Little League championship baseball game. Over and over this lesson has been a challenge for me. The lesson of "Hearts." Once again this is not an always rule, which makes it even more difficult to learn. When do you apply it? When do you not? Misusing or misunderstanding it could lead to people running you over, or others not following rules at all and expecting you to cave. Or there are those times you will run over hearts at the expense to get what you want... for the sake of competition. I see it time and time again. We put in the best players to win youth league games instead of letting everyone play. We pick all-stars based off of who the parents are or what they contribute instead of the child's ability. Hopefully, as children get older that stops some...However, some is the operative word. I once heard a High School football coach talk about removing a player out of a position. It was not the best fit for the team, but they were worried about the backlash because the parents were very much part of the school system. That is why I like being President of the Youth Football League. There are no all-stars. Once again we are the ones that typically mess it up for our children.
Back to "Hearts"... I am at this place in life where I hate fluffy bullshit. Give me real. Give me real people around me. Be honest about the place you are in life. Do not play me. Do not try to con me. Do not lie to me. Just be real. I am not at the place where it is ok for Christians to play church. People to hide their nastiness behind organized religion, or people think goodness comes from donating money yet their character displays they are a thief. There are very few pure people in the world. You know those that mess up and own it, or try to make it right. Certainly, those do not hide it or run from it. Facing it is a scary thing but being real is a very freeing thing in life. I talk of Jesus not because of organized religion, but my faith is very real to me and I am very real to it. But the "Church" in the packages that it gives has failed me, and mostly everyone else. It was once said to me, "We would have to teach Jesus church." Think about that. Kind of turns my stomach really. I love being around those raw people. People who display who they are the moment they speak a word. Whether it be crass language or articulate sensitive speech, I love the realness. Over my journey in and with organized religion, I have been kicked out of Bible school for being real, asked to not speak because I was real, asked to not sing because I was real, asked to not love because I was real, asked to hide the truth because I was real, asked to not be in leadership because I was honest, and turn a blind-eye to leaders that steal, lie, manipulate, threaten, all the while organized religion protects it. All Denominates hide it, and then put the stamp of In the Name of Jesus all over it. Two scriptures come to mind Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13. "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offering." In Matthew Jesus says, " Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." How many hearts have been sacrificed instead of shown mercy? How many hearts have been sacrificed for a win? How many hearts have been sacrificed in the essence of laws, rules, lies, and manipulations?
I am left daily with the making decisions of how many hearts will this cost. But learning when you spare hearts you can never go wrong, because mercy will find you.
Back to "Hearts"... I am at this place in life where I hate fluffy bullshit. Give me real. Give me real people around me. Be honest about the place you are in life. Do not play me. Do not try to con me. Do not lie to me. Just be real. I am not at the place where it is ok for Christians to play church. People to hide their nastiness behind organized religion, or people think goodness comes from donating money yet their character displays they are a thief. There are very few pure people in the world. You know those that mess up and own it, or try to make it right. Certainly, those do not hide it or run from it. Facing it is a scary thing but being real is a very freeing thing in life. I talk of Jesus not because of organized religion, but my faith is very real to me and I am very real to it. But the "Church" in the packages that it gives has failed me, and mostly everyone else. It was once said to me, "We would have to teach Jesus church." Think about that. Kind of turns my stomach really. I love being around those raw people. People who display who they are the moment they speak a word. Whether it be crass language or articulate sensitive speech, I love the realness. Over my journey in and with organized religion, I have been kicked out of Bible school for being real, asked to not speak because I was real, asked to not sing because I was real, asked to not love because I was real, asked to hide the truth because I was real, asked to not be in leadership because I was honest, and turn a blind-eye to leaders that steal, lie, manipulate, threaten, all the while organized religion protects it. All Denominates hide it, and then put the stamp of In the Name of Jesus all over it. Two scriptures come to mind Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13. "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offering." In Matthew Jesus says, " Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." How many hearts have been sacrificed instead of shown mercy? How many hearts have been sacrificed for a win? How many hearts have been sacrificed in the essence of laws, rules, lies, and manipulations?
I am left daily with the making decisions of how many hearts will this cost. But learning when you spare hearts you can never go wrong, because mercy will find you.
Saturday, May 5, 2018
The Beeps and Rain
It is a lovely rainy morning. Rain is lovely? It is lovely when you don't want to go anywhere, yet expectations of sunny weather means you will be at a field somewhere all day. So today, yes it is lovely, it is almost a heavenly sound to me as all the windows are up in the house. This week we realized how unbridled the spirit of our pup, Charlee, actually is and was when we began to chase her all over our hill. I know that does not seem like much, but it is when the hill is at about a 75 degree to 80 degree angle, it is more than enough. She looks like an Australian Shepherd plus with her darting movements, but is starting to be larger because she is mixed with Great Pyrenees. The closer we would get to her the more she would dart. Needless to say, at the end of our venture my temper was high. I was as strong as any weightlifter when I picked her up and put her in her crate in the house. Pissed is an understatement. So mad that I went out and bought a trainer to the tune of 300 dollars. There are really only a couple things in life that I hate. I mean absolutely hate.
Number one, I hate to be spat on. Being a special education teacher, over the course of 13 years, it has happened a handful of times as behaviors escalate in situations with students. Once it does towards me, tag me out, because it is my breaking point. I need to leave the room or I will lose my cool. It makes me furious. Number two, I hate to run long distance and for any amount of time. If you see me running like that you better run too, because something is majorly wrong. I will do quick movements and running, but to run for the fun of it... Now that's crazy talk. You can thank my hatred for running to Coach Lonnie Lucas as we would run up and down 5th Avenue to basketball practice and then run till we puked inside Veteran's Memorial Gym. Hated it.
Charlee has smart breeds of dogs in her. She is a fast learner and thank goodness for her. In less than 24 hours, she knows if she hears a beep and does not stop her behavior then vibration is next and she does not like that. The beep brings her straight to me. We humans need beeps. Now do not get all crazy like we are hurting the dog, because we are not. We are training her to bridle her behavior. I have been thinking lately about all the beeps I have ignored over the years. I walked right on through the beeps, to vibration, then to shock until I get immune to the pain and keep on walking. All the while beeps, vibration and shocking are all happening at the same time. Even everyone else can hear it as I walk by, but nnooo... I would put on a smile and say, "I am all good." However, the whole situations would happen just because I did not listen to the beeps.
When I was younger it was things like... skipping school, beeps, then while skipping school got into a car wreck...beep, beep, vibration. Sneaking a boy friend over while my parents are not home, beeps, then we get a little too intimate, beep, beep, vibration, then I got caught by my sister. (Who by the way, thought it was hilarious. As I was having a heart attack, and thinking someone will die over this; While I thought it was my dad coming through the front door.) As an adult, it looks like relationships that I had no business being involved with or in. It was going through ministry processes that I should not have completed. Going to Mt. Zion to run from myself only to find it in the midst of a marriage, that also I should not have had... all beeps, and vibration then wonder why am I getting shocked. I affectionately say often, "Idiot" as I am now to myself.
It is said that we are a smart species. Highly intelligent they say. The longer I am on earth the more I see how stupid we really are. I mean here I am college educated, seemly together and still there are times I walk through the beeps. Charlee has gotten it in 24 hours, I am soon to be going on 40 years. However today, there is hope. The rain will keep me. I must enjoy the rain in my life. The sound is actually almost heavenly.
Number one, I hate to be spat on. Being a special education teacher, over the course of 13 years, it has happened a handful of times as behaviors escalate in situations with students. Once it does towards me, tag me out, because it is my breaking point. I need to leave the room or I will lose my cool. It makes me furious. Number two, I hate to run long distance and for any amount of time. If you see me running like that you better run too, because something is majorly wrong. I will do quick movements and running, but to run for the fun of it... Now that's crazy talk. You can thank my hatred for running to Coach Lonnie Lucas as we would run up and down 5th Avenue to basketball practice and then run till we puked inside Veteran's Memorial Gym. Hated it.
Charlee has smart breeds of dogs in her. She is a fast learner and thank goodness for her. In less than 24 hours, she knows if she hears a beep and does not stop her behavior then vibration is next and she does not like that. The beep brings her straight to me. We humans need beeps. Now do not get all crazy like we are hurting the dog, because we are not. We are training her to bridle her behavior. I have been thinking lately about all the beeps I have ignored over the years. I walked right on through the beeps, to vibration, then to shock until I get immune to the pain and keep on walking. All the while beeps, vibration and shocking are all happening at the same time. Even everyone else can hear it as I walk by, but nnooo... I would put on a smile and say, "I am all good." However, the whole situations would happen just because I did not listen to the beeps.
When I was younger it was things like... skipping school, beeps, then while skipping school got into a car wreck...beep, beep, vibration. Sneaking a boy friend over while my parents are not home, beeps, then we get a little too intimate, beep, beep, vibration, then I got caught by my sister. (Who by the way, thought it was hilarious. As I was having a heart attack, and thinking someone will die over this; While I thought it was my dad coming through the front door.) As an adult, it looks like relationships that I had no business being involved with or in. It was going through ministry processes that I should not have completed. Going to Mt. Zion to run from myself only to find it in the midst of a marriage, that also I should not have had... all beeps, and vibration then wonder why am I getting shocked. I affectionately say often, "Idiot" as I am now to myself.
It is said that we are a smart species. Highly intelligent they say. The longer I am on earth the more I see how stupid we really are. I mean here I am college educated, seemly together and still there are times I walk through the beeps. Charlee has gotten it in 24 hours, I am soon to be going on 40 years. However today, there is hope. The rain will keep me. I must enjoy the rain in my life. The sound is actually almost heavenly.
Sunday, April 22, 2018
Priceless
I am going to take time reflect on something in my own life that I have loved. It was instilled in me as a very young child. I do not ever remember a time it was not in my life, but yesterday something changed. Some form of ill feelings came over me, and thoughts of how ridiculous it is that now as an adult the very thing I have had all my life, and love for, adults have ruined. Brace yourself, hold your breath because I am going to call out BS. This is not directed at a specific person, but I realized yesterday as I was walking around a baseball field that we adults have screwed up Youth Sports. Ohhh Chana, sure you want to do this? Yep, I am. I began to think about all the rules we have on fields, and courts. Some are for safety, fairness, but then there has to be rules for the adults. Why rules for adults? It seems like we cannot do the right things for young athletes or children on our own. Isn't that sad? Makes me sick really, as I am a huge advocate for children, let alone children in youth sports.
Let me break it down this way. Youth Basketball we must create rules that each player must play 2 quarters, or you must create a rotation for everyone to get in to play. Youth Soccer has rotation rules. Adults will try every way to figure how to keep your best players in to win. Please do not think I am just pointing the finger at others, because I have been there doing the same thing. We want to win more than build up a child. Does that make you sick to your stomach? That we would do that to a child. In baseball you only have to have 2 innings in the field, and 1 at bat, there are 6 innings in a game in little league baseball. So if a kid struggles with confidence while in the batter's box let's give them 1 at bat, because that will help the kid. Nope we do it, because we want to win more than build that confidence or teach them. Right? Sick yet?
For the past 2 years I have been president of the local youth football league. Every year I have to say, "You have 11 players on the field and at least 15 on a team. Find a place for each kid to play." And every year I hear, "There are no rules in youth football that we must play all our players and for a certain amount of time. There are kids that could get hurt if we play them." Parents signed their kids up to play tackle football they know they could get hurt. Cultivate their abilities. Teach them. Train them. Do not dismiss them.
If you think 2 or 3 players with good athletic ability should carry a team, then get out of youth sports. You are in it for the wrong reasons. We have monopolized our children. When is it enough? How does it improve the develop of little human beings or are we past that? Because we want to win, fit in with the cool group of adults, or participate so my kid can get all the playing time. This past week, I watched players with better abilities run over players with less abilities to dominate order of who gets to bat first in batting cages. I watched as kids got in each others faces and somewhat push their weight around to dominate a situation, but isn't that what youth sports are teaching our kids? It seems that we adults have set that standard. That's how you should win, right? That's the point, right?
I am not a participation trophy person. I believe you should strive to win. Be in the championship. However, at what cost? I have heard long time coaches/adults look at a group of children and tell them they are not good enough to coach them, but then decide to coach when that 1 kid signs up. The team then is worth it. As they broke 15 other kid's hearts because of their actions. I have watched adults wait to sign their own children up to see what other children will be playing a sport before making a decision, because it is about the win. Same with commitment with coaches.
I do not know a fix, and I am actively part of the problem. It saddens me. I am tired of making excuses for it. I want to say I am sorry to our youth, because this week I realized we have failed you. We are the problem. Adults are the problem. We care more about our special interest than we do you. We utilize your abilities to get what we want to fill up our egos or needs. Kids I am trying to change. I am trying to change a culture in our local area, to help not only your athletic ability, but you as a person to be a successful adult. I do not want you to be like us. Be better than us. Do not play the adult games at the expense of a child's heart. Simply it is not worth the cost.
Let me break it down this way. Youth Basketball we must create rules that each player must play 2 quarters, or you must create a rotation for everyone to get in to play. Youth Soccer has rotation rules. Adults will try every way to figure how to keep your best players in to win. Please do not think I am just pointing the finger at others, because I have been there doing the same thing. We want to win more than build up a child. Does that make you sick to your stomach? That we would do that to a child. In baseball you only have to have 2 innings in the field, and 1 at bat, there are 6 innings in a game in little league baseball. So if a kid struggles with confidence while in the batter's box let's give them 1 at bat, because that will help the kid. Nope we do it, because we want to win more than build that confidence or teach them. Right? Sick yet?
For the past 2 years I have been president of the local youth football league. Every year I have to say, "You have 11 players on the field and at least 15 on a team. Find a place for each kid to play." And every year I hear, "There are no rules in youth football that we must play all our players and for a certain amount of time. There are kids that could get hurt if we play them." Parents signed their kids up to play tackle football they know they could get hurt. Cultivate their abilities. Teach them. Train them. Do not dismiss them.
If you think 2 or 3 players with good athletic ability should carry a team, then get out of youth sports. You are in it for the wrong reasons. We have monopolized our children. When is it enough? How does it improve the develop of little human beings or are we past that? Because we want to win, fit in with the cool group of adults, or participate so my kid can get all the playing time. This past week, I watched players with better abilities run over players with less abilities to dominate order of who gets to bat first in batting cages. I watched as kids got in each others faces and somewhat push their weight around to dominate a situation, but isn't that what youth sports are teaching our kids? It seems that we adults have set that standard. That's how you should win, right? That's the point, right?
I am not a participation trophy person. I believe you should strive to win. Be in the championship. However, at what cost? I have heard long time coaches/adults look at a group of children and tell them they are not good enough to coach them, but then decide to coach when that 1 kid signs up. The team then is worth it. As they broke 15 other kid's hearts because of their actions. I have watched adults wait to sign their own children up to see what other children will be playing a sport before making a decision, because it is about the win. Same with commitment with coaches.
I do not know a fix, and I am actively part of the problem. It saddens me. I am tired of making excuses for it. I want to say I am sorry to our youth, because this week I realized we have failed you. We are the problem. Adults are the problem. We care more about our special interest than we do you. We utilize your abilities to get what we want to fill up our egos or needs. Kids I am trying to change. I am trying to change a culture in our local area, to help not only your athletic ability, but you as a person to be a successful adult. I do not want you to be like us. Be better than us. Do not play the adult games at the expense of a child's heart. Simply it is not worth the cost.
Saturday, April 7, 2018
Still the Student
We live in a world where at the click of a button thousands can know your thoughts, life status, mood, relationships to others etc. It truly is amazing the technology we have these days. I find it hard when you are a born teacher to not teach. I know that sounds like an oxymoron. Teachers are suppose to teach, right? Not always. Sometimes the best teaching comes from silence, or the teacher look. Never saying a word. It is the hardest thing to master if you are a teacher, silence.
I find myself struggling sometimes that when I have a lesson that is suppose to be taught to go out and find students. I have been wrestling with that all week. "Invite people to hear the lesson," the little small voice in my head says. There is a strong matriarch teacher in my life that pops in and out when needed. She is never too far, and never too close. She has continually said to me, and I am sure to others, "When the students are ready, the teacher will come." I believe she was taught that from her strong matriarch teacher in her life, if I am remembering the story correctly.
I am probably going to debunk religious teachings in this blog, and make literal thinkers of scripture gasp. As a disclosure, the foundations of all my thinking goes back to a religious stand point. Now, I wade through the muck of man's interruption to God's intent. As a child I grew up with heavily influenced baptist doctrine. There was a lot of black and white in thinking, not much room for gray. However, grace was a word thrown around like a golden ticket, yet you do not want to use it. I can remember going door to door with tracks of "The ABC's to salvation" or "The Roman's Road to Salvation." The whole focus was to get the GOOD NEWS out and invite people to church. Then if people would come, religion would tell them how wrong they are; How they should change, what to look like, dress like, be like, because of this GRACE then Jesus would love you, and you could be saved. "NOW DO YOU BELIEVE?" Some man would ask, maybe a woman depending on what gender you were, because a woman could not minister or teach a man. However, men could teach a woman. I must laugh at those methods, now. Spread the GOOD NEWS, was the focal point. I still hear it in churches. It is funny how some think that is still what they are doing spreading the GOOD NEWS maybe as churches grow, while others are dying, or pews are being filled. I am not convinced. If you dissect the scripture in the gospel of Mark it would state, "Go publicly and say a good message to the world." I could be wrong, but what to be and not to be is not a good message. Seems to me that is called judgement and control.
On further note I do not ever recall Jesus ever needing slogans, mission statements, by-laws, constitutions, gimmicks, or activities to teach the Good News. It seemed the students were always waiting on him to show up. Crowds where there as he walked by, or maybe he just walked into the crowds already formed. I could be wrong, but I do not ever remember Jesus saying, "Now listen, once we get off this boat make sure there is a crowd. Let's shoot for 5,000. I have a great event planned with some fishes and loaves." If we embody Christ, then we also do not need an event, activity, or catchy jingle. The crowds will gather, but sometimes the students need some intimate time with the teacher if the crowds are small.
Back to my original struggle, just showing up to teach. When you know you have a great lesson you want everyone to hear it. 'Gather the people,' you think. Then you show up to teach, and you have a great history lesson, but those YOU gathered need to learn geometry. All because you wanted a crowd. Your justification then resorts to, "Am I not suppose to proclaim the Good News?" I am gonna say, "No." No, I am not suppose to proclaim the good news by gathering the crowds. I am suppose to be evidence of the Good News. I need to seek no crowds, because I am just suppose to walk in the midst of them. No matter the crowd size, when I am given a lesson the students will be ready, because I am just called to teach.
I find myself struggling sometimes that when I have a lesson that is suppose to be taught to go out and find students. I have been wrestling with that all week. "Invite people to hear the lesson," the little small voice in my head says. There is a strong matriarch teacher in my life that pops in and out when needed. She is never too far, and never too close. She has continually said to me, and I am sure to others, "When the students are ready, the teacher will come." I believe she was taught that from her strong matriarch teacher in her life, if I am remembering the story correctly.
I am probably going to debunk religious teachings in this blog, and make literal thinkers of scripture gasp. As a disclosure, the foundations of all my thinking goes back to a religious stand point. Now, I wade through the muck of man's interruption to God's intent. As a child I grew up with heavily influenced baptist doctrine. There was a lot of black and white in thinking, not much room for gray. However, grace was a word thrown around like a golden ticket, yet you do not want to use it. I can remember going door to door with tracks of "The ABC's to salvation" or "The Roman's Road to Salvation." The whole focus was to get the GOOD NEWS out and invite people to church. Then if people would come, religion would tell them how wrong they are; How they should change, what to look like, dress like, be like, because of this GRACE then Jesus would love you, and you could be saved. "NOW DO YOU BELIEVE?" Some man would ask, maybe a woman depending on what gender you were, because a woman could not minister or teach a man. However, men could teach a woman. I must laugh at those methods, now. Spread the GOOD NEWS, was the focal point. I still hear it in churches. It is funny how some think that is still what they are doing spreading the GOOD NEWS maybe as churches grow, while others are dying, or pews are being filled. I am not convinced. If you dissect the scripture in the gospel of Mark it would state, "Go publicly and say a good message to the world." I could be wrong, but what to be and not to be is not a good message. Seems to me that is called judgement and control.
On further note I do not ever recall Jesus ever needing slogans, mission statements, by-laws, constitutions, gimmicks, or activities to teach the Good News. It seemed the students were always waiting on him to show up. Crowds where there as he walked by, or maybe he just walked into the crowds already formed. I could be wrong, but I do not ever remember Jesus saying, "Now listen, once we get off this boat make sure there is a crowd. Let's shoot for 5,000. I have a great event planned with some fishes and loaves." If we embody Christ, then we also do not need an event, activity, or catchy jingle. The crowds will gather, but sometimes the students need some intimate time with the teacher if the crowds are small.
Back to my original struggle, just showing up to teach. When you know you have a great lesson you want everyone to hear it. 'Gather the people,' you think. Then you show up to teach, and you have a great history lesson, but those YOU gathered need to learn geometry. All because you wanted a crowd. Your justification then resorts to, "Am I not suppose to proclaim the Good News?" I am gonna say, "No." No, I am not suppose to proclaim the good news by gathering the crowds. I am suppose to be evidence of the Good News. I need to seek no crowds, because I am just suppose to walk in the midst of them. No matter the crowd size, when I am given a lesson the students will be ready, because I am just called to teach.
Saturday, March 24, 2018
Surviving Wilderness
This morning Tandy is on a cleaning jag, and all I want to do is stay in my PJs and read. I will pay for that mindset later at some point. Maybe today or maybe tomorrow, but it surely is in the near future. This week has seemly been emotionally hard as I have had to adjust my thinking to my past, future, and encounters of others around me. I find that there are many parts of my life that I just "overlook." In my overlooking, I realize that there are emotional connections that I have not completely dealt with. Make no mistake, when we do this they will arise or show up at some point to be dealt with again. And the pain that comes with it will call into question; Why did I not deal with this the first go around? When you begin that circle of thinking, it starts a vortex of emotions. The what ifs, the why nots, the I wishes, and the if onlys. In the spiritual and Christianese world we call it the Wilderness experience. Where all temptations happen to get us to go back.
My friends have been leading a Bible study in their home, because they have found many Christians are walking in that atmosphere as they too are doing the same. It is not like they know the way out or pointing to others as justifying dictatorship as I know the only and right way, but it is more of come walk with me, because I am right there too. Last night they handed me two books that they are beginning to study in their group. How timely they speak of Wilderness experiences. This week I am realizing we have many wildernesses in our lives. We try to clump them all together as one and as we do that, we overlook the importance of the experience itself. Resulting in the uprise of the overlook that WILL happen down the road. We also typically focus on the atmosphere of the Wilderness itself and lose sight that the focus should be on the getting out. There have been times that I like the scenery in the Wilderness and have stayed in that place longer than I ever should have. It usually comes by depression and napping with me. Let me just lay here for awhile. Shut down and shut everyone and everything out. There is no searching in this place, mercy in this place, forgiveness in this place, but there is lots of anger, hopelessness, justification, and ego. The statements of "I do not need them, I do need this, or I can do this on my own" come to mind.
I am learning the Wilderness is meant to break you. Break you not in the sense of into pieces, though it can feel like that at times, but break you WIDE OPEN. It is the only way to get out, to be broken wide open. Some of us chose to stay in the anger, hopelessness, justification, with our egos and go on living in the Wilderness. We encounter those in our daily lives. People who are bitter by life events and situations. People who justify their behavior because of the behavior of others. We all have done it, but it is our choice whether we continue to stay there. There is a statement in one of the books that rings true if applied to any Wilderness situation, "...weeping for pain and weeping for joy, because the two are often linked more closely than we can imagine." It continues with the thought of suffering leads to the saving. The only way out is brokenness to the point of WIDE OPEN. Define it however you want. Christianese calls it, "Worship or crying out." Those outside of that thought call it, "Honesty with self and transparency about weakness." No matter the definition, WIDE OPEN is the path out.
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