There are things in life I am not good at or with... I am not good at handling disappointment or hurt. Not sure if anyone is or not, but it is not my strong point. I get stuck there at times to the point of anger and high frustrations. I am also not good at standing my ground when I want to please others that I love. I would rather you be pleased than do whatever I want, nevertheless feel as though each give is killing apart of me inside. I muster through it for greater reasons like peace, and compromise. Yet, when those things are not acknowledged the stickiness of the process begins this stir in me that I do not know how to handle. There are times I want to hate because of hurt, but in a second glance feel so sorry for those that caused the hurt. Typically their lives are a pitiful mess that they themselves cannot see.
My greatest delight in thought is when I can place spiritual and secular/natural together. Not church lingo or Christianese... but real connections of who I am holistically. Or the understanding of who people really are holistically. I was taught to stay away from the nasty in life. The "Bad People" those that lie, cheat, and steal for whatever reason. My biggest adult struggle is and was grasping that God loves them just as much as he loves me. Most might say, "Well Duh" to that thought. What I am really saying is... living holy does not make God love me anymore than running a muck. His stance never changes. Living holy does not make me closer to God's love than it does if I cheat. Isn't that the goal in Christianity to be closer to God? However, the older I get I am understanding it is not my actions of what I am or not doing that draws me closer to God, but my transparency of the reality of me recognizing really who I am.
There is a minister named, Nadia Bolz-Weber, who also happens to be an author. She now does little clips of thought on social media, but I first was approached by her thoughts through her book, "Accidental Saints, finding God in all the wrong people." It is a great book that will change Christian goggles of who and what God is loving. The dividing line that Christian puts in place typically of an 'US and Them.' The longer I walk this life, I understand I am 'THEM' and 'US' is a made up thought never created by God, but by man. That our journeys are not a one size fits all, and it is okay for it not to be. Walking out your salvation is just that, your walk. That thought gives a whole different stance of how we should view everything around us.
My thoughts this morning are circling. Those that I say are pitiful messes that frustrate me, anger me, disappointment me, and hurt me...are exactly the same as this pitiful mess. I am 'THEM.' God loves them just as much as he loves me. Secular society defines us by labels, but that is not how we are seen through the eyes of God. There is no dividing line. We are all his and he loves all the same with the same measure. I know that challenges theology in my little Bible belt. I am okay with that. I would rather me let God love me for my authentic self than to work up a self that is untrue. I get so judgmental when I watch others think they are better than others, yet I do the same in other ways. It might not be because of material things, but it happens with spiritual things, moral, and ethical ways. You know the core of people, which is the worse place to judge, because we are all so flawed. We/I cast stones labeled from the labels given to us which reproduce this vicious cycle of destroying one's spirit. How about that for Christian? I guess my reality this morning is those that hurt and frustrate me are me... mirrored, and it is actually the cause of my hurt and frustration. I am 'THEM.' (OUCH!)
Friday, August 3, 2018
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
War Is Coming
It is 4:51 a.m. This morning it wasn't Charlee that woke me, but Millie. I have dogs for sell. It is crazy how I cannot go back to sleep once these dogs decided how the morning should go on their terms. My foul language must stay at a low roar, because Tandy will need to get up in an hour to go to work. Once up, I Googled who the new Supreme Court Justice is going to be. As I read his bio, and the reports of last night, my only thoughts that kept running through my head was "War is coming." At some point in America the lines have been crossed that our beliefs should be others rights and vice versa. That the rights of the people are interrupted by filters of a belief system instead of the Constitution. The hypocritical political agendas or just plan ole hypocrisy should not surprise me at this point, but it still does.
I know it might surprise some, but I probably identify more conservation than liberal. However, that is because of a belief system, not political views on the rights of others or myself. I am sorry, but it is very interesting that the Supreme Court does not make up "the people" of the United States. However, the new judge is a white male, which makes up 50% of the judges, and males make up over fifty percent. All have a religious affiliation. Ninety percent of the judges identify as Christian or Catholic. Yet in the Constitution in Article 1 it states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;" However, we have the majority of those interrupting the laws and rights of others being viewed using 90% Christian and Catholic goggles. But Chana do you not identified as Christian? Yes, however I hate the hypocrisy in Christianity. For the good people that only believe in the King James Version of the Bible, (I must laugh at that) Proverbs 15:22 says, "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established." I want to step out on a limb here and say 'Multitude of Counselors' does not mean people with the same opinion or belief as you. If my purpose is to move WE THE PEOPLE to have rights and uphold laws for WE THE PEOPLE then probably my counsel and counselors need to be made up of a MULTITUDE of WE THE PEOPLE, not majority Christian/Catholic males. Also as a disclosure, I want to apologize to my Catholic fellow Americans, because the dogmatic Christians are using you to gain a political foothold and always have. I wish you would or could wake-up from that. They now want you to help over turn Roe Vs Wade and abortion laws, by using your belief system. However, do not for one second think that they do not have their 16 year-old daughter on birth control, or their wives. Hypocrisy!! Others should have the right to have their own belief system. That is called Freedom.
War is coming. The divide will be the ancient tell of religion verses humanity. Jesus was put on the cross over this type of divide. War is coming where no stone will be left unturned. Those who think that they are on top of this will end up being on the bottom. There will be a rise of the people, because it is not the multitude giving counsel. The voices that we shut out with our belief systems dealing with race, gender, religion, and age discriminations, they will rise. War is coming. It will be as a Civil War crying out for Civil Rights and Liberties. Will we hold onto belief systems that divide and conquer or will we reach out a hand to understand difference? I am sure Sociologist are foaming at the mouth. It is ironic that the core, or who Christians say is the core of their belief system died for are the very ones their hypocrisy effects the most... Not the righteous, but the sinners, and those that think they are righteous missed the mark all together.
I know it might surprise some, but I probably identify more conservation than liberal. However, that is because of a belief system, not political views on the rights of others or myself. I am sorry, but it is very interesting that the Supreme Court does not make up "the people" of the United States. However, the new judge is a white male, which makes up 50% of the judges, and males make up over fifty percent. All have a religious affiliation. Ninety percent of the judges identify as Christian or Catholic. Yet in the Constitution in Article 1 it states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;" However, we have the majority of those interrupting the laws and rights of others being viewed using 90% Christian and Catholic goggles. But Chana do you not identified as Christian? Yes, however I hate the hypocrisy in Christianity. For the good people that only believe in the King James Version of the Bible, (I must laugh at that) Proverbs 15:22 says, "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established." I want to step out on a limb here and say 'Multitude of Counselors' does not mean people with the same opinion or belief as you. If my purpose is to move WE THE PEOPLE to have rights and uphold laws for WE THE PEOPLE then probably my counsel and counselors need to be made up of a MULTITUDE of WE THE PEOPLE, not majority Christian/Catholic males. Also as a disclosure, I want to apologize to my Catholic fellow Americans, because the dogmatic Christians are using you to gain a political foothold and always have. I wish you would or could wake-up from that. They now want you to help over turn Roe Vs Wade and abortion laws, by using your belief system. However, do not for one second think that they do not have their 16 year-old daughter on birth control, or their wives. Hypocrisy!! Others should have the right to have their own belief system. That is called Freedom.
Saturday, July 7, 2018
Batter Up
This five hour sleep thing is not the gig I like to have, but it seems it is my summer life. Last night we did not get home until midnight. I played softball for the first time in seven years. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. There was a time that I was an athlete. Trained and skilled...ohh cocky. It was my life. Not just softball, any sport I was allowed to play. I don't want to say I am washed up, but ggiirrrlll my legs do not move like they use to and having a chest the size of mine is not runner friendly. (Thanks to childbearing) I had a youth pastor (female) once always tell me, "You just wait...Fat happens." I never believed her and would pass it off, but guess what... "Fat Happens." Competitive drive is my drug of choice. I do not care if it is cards, tennis, washing dishes, getting from point A to point B, puzzles, board games, kickball, well you get the picture... I want to win. Be faster, smarter, better then the competition. After saying all of that, I want to say to myself, "Idiot." Because this morning my legs feel like jello, and I can't swear to it, but my shoulders feel as though I have been body building in my sleep. Which brings me to wonder if I can fit into any of my t-shirts. Once again I want to say to myself, "Idiot."
Now for the five hour sleep...guess who is the reason for that? CHARLEE!! (puppy) I will give some of the guilt this morning to my stomach. I woke up starving. I am sure it was because my body is not use to burning up that type of energy. The woman that batted before me was fast and in her day was an athlete and still is involved in sports like me. However, she would challenge the other team in the field and would run... every time we were on base together... I thought to myself, "Shit. Here we go...run...run..." Don't get me wrong that is exactly how you are suppose to be, but for me I was just getting back in the swing of things. I loved every minute of it. I was getting my fix. Not sure how long it will last, but I know like an addict I will begin to want more. That is why everyone in life needs a Tandy. One that will say, "Now Chana Dawn. Shit Fire Chana Dawn." Yet be your biggest cheerleader.
I will tell you what was pretty awesome about last night. My boys. I preach and coach the boys about techniques with sports all the time. I know techniques, and after I got warmed up they got to see mom swing to the fence. After seeing it, they were so hopeful I would hit a homer, however just a couple hit the fence. They ran out to centerfield hoping to catch my ball. Last time I played they were maybe 3 and 2 years-old. I would sit them in the dugout and tell them to stay there while I was in the field. They would sit in the mud and dirt with their matchbox cars, happily playing in the mud. It is crazy how fast they have grown and things have changed. Plus for me, fat happened so quickly, and Tandy Dixon's cooking doesn't help.
I got my fix, but it has left me hungering for more. We won, which makes it worse. Maybe not today, because my legs are like jello and shoulders are bulging, but soon. It will grow until I get another fix. So no one be surprised when you hear from the top of our hill, "Now Shit Fire Chana Dawn."
Now for the five hour sleep...guess who is the reason for that? CHARLEE!! (puppy) I will give some of the guilt this morning to my stomach. I woke up starving. I am sure it was because my body is not use to burning up that type of energy. The woman that batted before me was fast and in her day was an athlete and still is involved in sports like me. However, she would challenge the other team in the field and would run... every time we were on base together... I thought to myself, "Shit. Here we go...run...run..." Don't get me wrong that is exactly how you are suppose to be, but for me I was just getting back in the swing of things. I loved every minute of it. I was getting my fix. Not sure how long it will last, but I know like an addict I will begin to want more. That is why everyone in life needs a Tandy. One that will say, "Now Chana Dawn. Shit Fire Chana Dawn." Yet be your biggest cheerleader.
I will tell you what was pretty awesome about last night. My boys. I preach and coach the boys about techniques with sports all the time. I know techniques, and after I got warmed up they got to see mom swing to the fence. After seeing it, they were so hopeful I would hit a homer, however just a couple hit the fence. They ran out to centerfield hoping to catch my ball. Last time I played they were maybe 3 and 2 years-old. I would sit them in the dugout and tell them to stay there while I was in the field. They would sit in the mud and dirt with their matchbox cars, happily playing in the mud. It is crazy how fast they have grown and things have changed. Plus for me, fat happened so quickly, and Tandy Dixon's cooking doesn't help.
I got my fix, but it has left me hungering for more. We won, which makes it worse. Maybe not today, because my legs are like jello and shoulders are bulging, but soon. It will grow until I get another fix. So no one be surprised when you hear from the top of our hill, "Now Shit Fire Chana Dawn."
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Placement
This morning I despise dogs. It is not all dogs, however it is our dogs. Tandy has been leaving early for work and it seems they all believe we need to go with her. This morning by 6:30, I heard the kitchen door close and then romper room in the bedroom. Charlee, the pup, seems to think it is the best thing to roll Millie, the middle age English Bulldog. It does not happen just once, but it is continual and then they start to get mouthy at each other. It is typical sibling behavior. Then there is poor Bella, 100 lbs Golden Lab, who deserves as much peace as possible just because she is old and should get it out of respect. But Charlee is not having that either, as she will tug at her collar. Once we are at that point I must get up, because Bella does not deserve the play nor can her old body take it. There was a time Bella would have put her in her place, but not now. Since Bella's best friend died, Gabby, she has never been the same. We were hoping Charlee would perk her up a little, but it seems she is just a nuisance to her. Bella has mothered every other animal we have ever had, and with Gabby she was her protector for her end of life.
I am probably just weeks away from making a decision about Bella. I do not want her to suffer. It is hard for her to walk. I can tell she is starting to get confused and it's hard for her to focus her sight. We have to water her food down for her to now eat it, and we do not have enough rugs on the tile floors for her not to slip to stand. Could I give her pills to prolong it all? Probably. Should I? I do not think so. There is no doubt that she loves her family. She worries about her boys when they go off to play. Greets us with a smile and a wagging tail if she hears our voices call her name. Is it all the time? No. We are at the point of change from who she was to now who she must be.
Age does that I think. It puts us in our place in the world. If I was still in what I "was" my place would look a whole lot different. Honestly, it could have gone many avenues of extreme. There was a time in my young life that I could have chosen a life of drugs and petty crime. Not sure what changed that path, other than strategic placement of people in my life, teachers, coaches, bosses... During that time my parents were their own messes and I was sliding around just trying not to get caught. My dad now thanks me that was not the extreme to be my place. Then there was a an extreme of holy-roller. My vision was to be a missionary and marry an African man somewhere on a mission field in Africa. That too was diverted in my 20s as I struggled internally. I now thank myself that was not my place, because I would have missed exactly where I am. I do not regret all the "was" because it makes me cherish where I am. The "was" made me keep searching for something, but the now makes me full. I found my place.
My place now just wants to be kind to others, give what I have to give, and live in peace. Seems simple enough. However, at 6:30 in the morning, with these dogs there is not much peace, and I do not want to be kind. Until I see Bella, which makes me understand placement is important. We can change another's life as they too transition from "was" to who they must be, however if only I am in the right place.
I am probably just weeks away from making a decision about Bella. I do not want her to suffer. It is hard for her to walk. I can tell she is starting to get confused and it's hard for her to focus her sight. We have to water her food down for her to now eat it, and we do not have enough rugs on the tile floors for her not to slip to stand. Could I give her pills to prolong it all? Probably. Should I? I do not think so. There is no doubt that she loves her family. She worries about her boys when they go off to play. Greets us with a smile and a wagging tail if she hears our voices call her name. Is it all the time? No. We are at the point of change from who she was to now who she must be.
Age does that I think. It puts us in our place in the world. If I was still in what I "was" my place would look a whole lot different. Honestly, it could have gone many avenues of extreme. There was a time in my young life that I could have chosen a life of drugs and petty crime. Not sure what changed that path, other than strategic placement of people in my life, teachers, coaches, bosses... During that time my parents were their own messes and I was sliding around just trying not to get caught. My dad now thanks me that was not the extreme to be my place. Then there was a an extreme of holy-roller. My vision was to be a missionary and marry an African man somewhere on a mission field in Africa. That too was diverted in my 20s as I struggled internally. I now thank myself that was not my place, because I would have missed exactly where I am. I do not regret all the "was" because it makes me cherish where I am. The "was" made me keep searching for something, but the now makes me full. I found my place.
My place now just wants to be kind to others, give what I have to give, and live in peace. Seems simple enough. However, at 6:30 in the morning, with these dogs there is not much peace, and I do not want to be kind. Until I see Bella, which makes me understand placement is important. We can change another's life as they too transition from "was" to who they must be, however if only I am in the right place.
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Church Code
This morning I woke up and wanted to see what is going on in the world, and the first source I go to... Facebook. I am not sure why we justify thinking it is an information source, however one of my friends made the comment... "If you don't hear in church today that the policy of 'Family Separation' is incompatible with Christianity find another church." All to which began my search on different church pages. It is funny how most are the same. We believe.... Our Pastor... Service times... all wrapped up in a different box trying to sell the same thing, but in turn gets us what? Your money? You? Your family? Gives you community? I hate to sound so cynical of 'church' lately, but it is just the place I am. Wrapping my mind around these displays of hate all the while the "CHURCH" sits back and calls it love. Those that fight the smoke and mirrors within Christianity will most likely be cast as 'not saved.' Which once again, thought provoking.
As I scanned it was interesting that NOT one page of a church stated, "We care about the lives of humans and humanity. We care that people are loved no matter their history, present, or future." Now, you get a little close when you see 'All are Welcome' or 'We are open and affirming.' However, that just means SHHHH!! Gays attend THAT church or can. I have to laugh because, it is all Christian Church Code. What I have found those churches depth are very shallow within the area in which I live, yet are excepting. They do not want to offend so the word they give does not have roots. On the other side, churches in the area go so far as to lock the doors if someone is different in any form. Scared they might catch something, like poor, gay, black, white, or even worse everything they have ever been taught challenged, because they just might love another.
I try not to challenge my local friends too much in making them decided or make lines with or about my family. We just try to be us. We are loved, asked to be included in the things we are involved in, but I know we are not welcomed in churches. However, most do not agree in the whys or at least I believe they don't. I love to talk Jesus, but find myself just getting to listen about Jesus, because most think I am not worthy to talk about him. Or what in the world would I actually know about him. I can tell you I can relate to almost every character of the Bible. The woman with the 'issue of blood' pushing through to touch just the hem of his garment. Knowing she couldn't be close to him, because she was unclean. The Pharisees' as they wanted to stone a woman in judgement, then realize "Who am I to judge?" Once Jesus brought it to their attention. Peter walking on water. Starts out believing then losing sight of Jesus, so he falls. Moses running from his call. (Too much there.) I could go on and on.
The political climate does not help in any form of this divide...it is hard to cipher out who is safe and who is not, yet then the Church wonders why we are not growing or are not sustaining. People are starting to wake-up and see this display is not love and frankly does not want it to represent them. Are there any answers? Probably not. Can we fix it? I am not sure. Where is Jesus? Same place I left him. On the throne. So... I wait. I trust. I pray.
As I scanned it was interesting that NOT one page of a church stated, "We care about the lives of humans and humanity. We care that people are loved no matter their history, present, or future." Now, you get a little close when you see 'All are Welcome' or 'We are open and affirming.' However, that just means SHHHH!! Gays attend THAT church or can. I have to laugh because, it is all Christian Church Code. What I have found those churches depth are very shallow within the area in which I live, yet are excepting. They do not want to offend so the word they give does not have roots. On the other side, churches in the area go so far as to lock the doors if someone is different in any form. Scared they might catch something, like poor, gay, black, white, or even worse everything they have ever been taught challenged, because they just might love another.
I try not to challenge my local friends too much in making them decided or make lines with or about my family. We just try to be us. We are loved, asked to be included in the things we are involved in, but I know we are not welcomed in churches. However, most do not agree in the whys or at least I believe they don't. I love to talk Jesus, but find myself just getting to listen about Jesus, because most think I am not worthy to talk about him. Or what in the world would I actually know about him. I can tell you I can relate to almost every character of the Bible. The woman with the 'issue of blood' pushing through to touch just the hem of his garment. Knowing she couldn't be close to him, because she was unclean. The Pharisees' as they wanted to stone a woman in judgement, then realize "Who am I to judge?" Once Jesus brought it to their attention. Peter walking on water. Starts out believing then losing sight of Jesus, so he falls. Moses running from his call. (Too much there.) I could go on and on.
The political climate does not help in any form of this divide...it is hard to cipher out who is safe and who is not, yet then the Church wonders why we are not growing or are not sustaining. People are starting to wake-up and see this display is not love and frankly does not want it to represent them. Are there any answers? Probably not. Can we fix it? I am not sure. Where is Jesus? Same place I left him. On the throne. So... I wait. I trust. I pray.
Friday, June 15, 2018
Game of Hearts
A couple of weeks ago I posted on my Facebook page, "Sometimes, it is not easy to do the right thing...Do you play by the rules or do you play by the hearts? Sometimes, those things conflict. I would venture to say hearts always should come first. Even Jesus broke the rules for hearts." I made that statement after there was some local conflict in the community over a Little League championship baseball game. Over and over this lesson has been a challenge for me. The lesson of "Hearts." Once again this is not an always rule, which makes it even more difficult to learn. When do you apply it? When do you not? Misusing or misunderstanding it could lead to people running you over, or others not following rules at all and expecting you to cave. Or there are those times you will run over hearts at the expense to get what you want... for the sake of competition. I see it time and time again. We put in the best players to win youth league games instead of letting everyone play. We pick all-stars based off of who the parents are or what they contribute instead of the child's ability. Hopefully, as children get older that stops some...However, some is the operative word. I once heard a High School football coach talk about removing a player out of a position. It was not the best fit for the team, but they were worried about the backlash because the parents were very much part of the school system. That is why I like being President of the Youth Football League. There are no all-stars. Once again we are the ones that typically mess it up for our children.
Back to "Hearts"... I am at this place in life where I hate fluffy bullshit. Give me real. Give me real people around me. Be honest about the place you are in life. Do not play me. Do not try to con me. Do not lie to me. Just be real. I am not at the place where it is ok for Christians to play church. People to hide their nastiness behind organized religion, or people think goodness comes from donating money yet their character displays they are a thief. There are very few pure people in the world. You know those that mess up and own it, or try to make it right. Certainly, those do not hide it or run from it. Facing it is a scary thing but being real is a very freeing thing in life. I talk of Jesus not because of organized religion, but my faith is very real to me and I am very real to it. But the "Church" in the packages that it gives has failed me, and mostly everyone else. It was once said to me, "We would have to teach Jesus church." Think about that. Kind of turns my stomach really. I love being around those raw people. People who display who they are the moment they speak a word. Whether it be crass language or articulate sensitive speech, I love the realness. Over my journey in and with organized religion, I have been kicked out of Bible school for being real, asked to not speak because I was real, asked to not sing because I was real, asked to not love because I was real, asked to hide the truth because I was real, asked to not be in leadership because I was honest, and turn a blind-eye to leaders that steal, lie, manipulate, threaten, all the while organized religion protects it. All Denominates hide it, and then put the stamp of In the Name of Jesus all over it. Two scriptures come to mind Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13. "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offering." In Matthew Jesus says, " Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." How many hearts have been sacrificed instead of shown mercy? How many hearts have been sacrificed for a win? How many hearts have been sacrificed in the essence of laws, rules, lies, and manipulations?
I am left daily with the making decisions of how many hearts will this cost. But learning when you spare hearts you can never go wrong, because mercy will find you.
Back to "Hearts"... I am at this place in life where I hate fluffy bullshit. Give me real. Give me real people around me. Be honest about the place you are in life. Do not play me. Do not try to con me. Do not lie to me. Just be real. I am not at the place where it is ok for Christians to play church. People to hide their nastiness behind organized religion, or people think goodness comes from donating money yet their character displays they are a thief. There are very few pure people in the world. You know those that mess up and own it, or try to make it right. Certainly, those do not hide it or run from it. Facing it is a scary thing but being real is a very freeing thing in life. I talk of Jesus not because of organized religion, but my faith is very real to me and I am very real to it. But the "Church" in the packages that it gives has failed me, and mostly everyone else. It was once said to me, "We would have to teach Jesus church." Think about that. Kind of turns my stomach really. I love being around those raw people. People who display who they are the moment they speak a word. Whether it be crass language or articulate sensitive speech, I love the realness. Over my journey in and with organized religion, I have been kicked out of Bible school for being real, asked to not speak because I was real, asked to not sing because I was real, asked to not love because I was real, asked to hide the truth because I was real, asked to not be in leadership because I was honest, and turn a blind-eye to leaders that steal, lie, manipulate, threaten, all the while organized religion protects it. All Denominates hide it, and then put the stamp of In the Name of Jesus all over it. Two scriptures come to mind Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13. "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offering." In Matthew Jesus says, " Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." How many hearts have been sacrificed instead of shown mercy? How many hearts have been sacrificed for a win? How many hearts have been sacrificed in the essence of laws, rules, lies, and manipulations?
I am left daily with the making decisions of how many hearts will this cost. But learning when you spare hearts you can never go wrong, because mercy will find you.
Saturday, May 5, 2018
The Beeps and Rain
It is a lovely rainy morning. Rain is lovely? It is lovely when you don't want to go anywhere, yet expectations of sunny weather means you will be at a field somewhere all day. So today, yes it is lovely, it is almost a heavenly sound to me as all the windows are up in the house. This week we realized how unbridled the spirit of our pup, Charlee, actually is and was when we began to chase her all over our hill. I know that does not seem like much, but it is when the hill is at about a 75 degree to 80 degree angle, it is more than enough. She looks like an Australian Shepherd plus with her darting movements, but is starting to be larger because she is mixed with Great Pyrenees. The closer we would get to her the more she would dart. Needless to say, at the end of our venture my temper was high. I was as strong as any weightlifter when I picked her up and put her in her crate in the house. Pissed is an understatement. So mad that I went out and bought a trainer to the tune of 300 dollars. There are really only a couple things in life that I hate. I mean absolutely hate.
Number one, I hate to be spat on. Being a special education teacher, over the course of 13 years, it has happened a handful of times as behaviors escalate in situations with students. Once it does towards me, tag me out, because it is my breaking point. I need to leave the room or I will lose my cool. It makes me furious. Number two, I hate to run long distance and for any amount of time. If you see me running like that you better run too, because something is majorly wrong. I will do quick movements and running, but to run for the fun of it... Now that's crazy talk. You can thank my hatred for running to Coach Lonnie Lucas as we would run up and down 5th Avenue to basketball practice and then run till we puked inside Veteran's Memorial Gym. Hated it.
Charlee has smart breeds of dogs in her. She is a fast learner and thank goodness for her. In less than 24 hours, she knows if she hears a beep and does not stop her behavior then vibration is next and she does not like that. The beep brings her straight to me. We humans need beeps. Now do not get all crazy like we are hurting the dog, because we are not. We are training her to bridle her behavior. I have been thinking lately about all the beeps I have ignored over the years. I walked right on through the beeps, to vibration, then to shock until I get immune to the pain and keep on walking. All the while beeps, vibration and shocking are all happening at the same time. Even everyone else can hear it as I walk by, but nnooo... I would put on a smile and say, "I am all good." However, the whole situations would happen just because I did not listen to the beeps.
When I was younger it was things like... skipping school, beeps, then while skipping school got into a car wreck...beep, beep, vibration. Sneaking a boy friend over while my parents are not home, beeps, then we get a little too intimate, beep, beep, vibration, then I got caught by my sister. (Who by the way, thought it was hilarious. As I was having a heart attack, and thinking someone will die over this; While I thought it was my dad coming through the front door.) As an adult, it looks like relationships that I had no business being involved with or in. It was going through ministry processes that I should not have completed. Going to Mt. Zion to run from myself only to find it in the midst of a marriage, that also I should not have had... all beeps, and vibration then wonder why am I getting shocked. I affectionately say often, "Idiot" as I am now to myself.
It is said that we are a smart species. Highly intelligent they say. The longer I am on earth the more I see how stupid we really are. I mean here I am college educated, seemly together and still there are times I walk through the beeps. Charlee has gotten it in 24 hours, I am soon to be going on 40 years. However today, there is hope. The rain will keep me. I must enjoy the rain in my life. The sound is actually almost heavenly.
Number one, I hate to be spat on. Being a special education teacher, over the course of 13 years, it has happened a handful of times as behaviors escalate in situations with students. Once it does towards me, tag me out, because it is my breaking point. I need to leave the room or I will lose my cool. It makes me furious. Number two, I hate to run long distance and for any amount of time. If you see me running like that you better run too, because something is majorly wrong. I will do quick movements and running, but to run for the fun of it... Now that's crazy talk. You can thank my hatred for running to Coach Lonnie Lucas as we would run up and down 5th Avenue to basketball practice and then run till we puked inside Veteran's Memorial Gym. Hated it.
Charlee has smart breeds of dogs in her. She is a fast learner and thank goodness for her. In less than 24 hours, she knows if she hears a beep and does not stop her behavior then vibration is next and she does not like that. The beep brings her straight to me. We humans need beeps. Now do not get all crazy like we are hurting the dog, because we are not. We are training her to bridle her behavior. I have been thinking lately about all the beeps I have ignored over the years. I walked right on through the beeps, to vibration, then to shock until I get immune to the pain and keep on walking. All the while beeps, vibration and shocking are all happening at the same time. Even everyone else can hear it as I walk by, but nnooo... I would put on a smile and say, "I am all good." However, the whole situations would happen just because I did not listen to the beeps.
When I was younger it was things like... skipping school, beeps, then while skipping school got into a car wreck...beep, beep, vibration. Sneaking a boy friend over while my parents are not home, beeps, then we get a little too intimate, beep, beep, vibration, then I got caught by my sister. (Who by the way, thought it was hilarious. As I was having a heart attack, and thinking someone will die over this; While I thought it was my dad coming through the front door.) As an adult, it looks like relationships that I had no business being involved with or in. It was going through ministry processes that I should not have completed. Going to Mt. Zion to run from myself only to find it in the midst of a marriage, that also I should not have had... all beeps, and vibration then wonder why am I getting shocked. I affectionately say often, "Idiot" as I am now to myself.
It is said that we are a smart species. Highly intelligent they say. The longer I am on earth the more I see how stupid we really are. I mean here I am college educated, seemly together and still there are times I walk through the beeps. Charlee has gotten it in 24 hours, I am soon to be going on 40 years. However today, there is hope. The rain will keep me. I must enjoy the rain in my life. The sound is actually almost heavenly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)