"Idiot"

I have had a hurt arm for sometime now.  Pinched nerve in my left elbow, which makes my fingers in my hand go numb. (All of them but my pinky.)  I have almost grown use to it.  I know that I should go see my doctors again, but I have a hard time finding the time.  There isn't much wiggle room as mom, wife, teacher, coach, and president.  Occasionally, I get friendships in there, but not nearly as much as I like.  I know, I know all my choices.  Those roles have all been my decisions.  I love everyone of them.  There are things that I have done to help relieve the numbness.  Sometimes, I will take my meds.  Sometimes, I will ice it. One time I saw a chiropractor.  Sometimes, I will brace it.  I now also sleep on the other side of the bed, because that helps.  These things give me a little reprieve for a time, but it comes back.  Guess what suffers when I am not consistent with what I should be doing...mom, wife, teacher, coach, and president. Occasionally, friendships.

Today, I almost fell as I tried to spare stepping on a head of a child.  I caught myself by reaching out my arm on a child-size chair, which slid. I heard and felt my shoulder pull.  As I walked out of it and away from it, I wanted to cry, cuss, and flip out.  I haven't felt like that in a long time.  Ohhh yes...and it's my right shoulder and arm.  I want to scream, "Idiot!!"  All my slander right at myself.

What's the life lesson in this? There isn't one. There are a million.  However, right now I still just want to cuss, and scream idiot.  I am far from perfect.  I am far from "holier than thou."  Yes, I shouldn't cuss, and scream idiot.  And that there are Christians that will mutter under their breath, "Shame...Shame.  Shouldn't she be.... shouldn't she look like... shouldn't she act like...." But where is the REALNESS in that?  I picture in my mind that Eminem video, Will the real slim shady please stand up?  These days I want to say, "Will the real Christians please stand up?"  I am so over religious hogga-ballou or religious hogga-ballou people.  Get over yourself. Or should I say, "Get real about yourself."  Maybe that's the real heart change that religions seek and speak of... owning who you are...or just owning you need something outside of yourself, because you know who you are.

Bottom line, on any certain today, in any certain situations, every now, and again you might just need to cuss a little, and scream idiot to get you through the day.  It doesn't make you less anything. It only makes you authentic.