"In The Stillness"

Early mornings always have a sense of calm to them.  Maybe that is just because I do not have two little bodies running around stirring the whole house, and continuing chanting, " Mom. Mom. Mom." Or maybe it is because it is before the sun is up, and there is a stillness in the atmosphere.  I have noticed, included myself we struggle with stillness.  We wrestle with it.  Does that mean we do not move?  I do not believe so.  I believe it is a state of mind more than it has to do with motion.  We create motion so we do not have to be still, in our bodies or in our thinking.  It is almost like a domino effect.  Be still and know...  What a loaded regurgitated scripture, and statement, that we have a hard time even understanding the concept and point.

There are multiple studies out there that talk about average amount of times we make decisions a day.  They range from 220 to 700,000.  Regardless, the right average number it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it.  Like many in the Bible Belt, I have been taught there is a definite right path and wrong path.  There is never gray, it is always black and white.  You know, " The path of the Lord is through a narrow gate."  I believe that statement, but not in the context that it has been taught to me.  It has nothing to do with a path, meaning an actual path, but has everything to do with a state of mind and heart.  The narrow gate is choosing love over hate, forgiveness or vengeance, faith over fear, you get the point.  It is the harder state of heart and mind.  We would rather walk away than work it out.  Cuss people out, than to listen and understand.  Handling things in life contrary to what is easy is the narrow gate and the path of the Lord.

Decision making always is a struggle for me.  Which is the right way? Which is the wrong way? I do not want to mess up, or miss it.  I have been taught that the Lord is waiting to smack me over the head when I make a wrong choice.  Now, there have been times I totally needed the Lord and everyone else to smack me over the head for some decisions in life. However, do not get me wrong, there are natural consequences to decisions.  Sometimes, we do not for see those consequences.  Leadership in any sense is not something I take lightly, but I seem to always be thrusted into, even when I run from it.  It finds me.  So not only do I make decisions for my four, and try to say, "No more."  I also am typically making decisions for hundreds.  That is a lot of pressure.  More and more I am learning it is not necessarily a right way or a wrong way, it is in the being still that matters.

Sometimes you just know when a decision is wrong.  It is not out of fear or worry. It is just wrong.  As an example, shooting up would just be wrong,  and driving 103 miles an hour in a 25 speed zone just would be wrong.  But what happens when you do not know what the natural consequences are going to be.  I am huge on transparency and being relatable.  So I am going to go out on that limb.  Personally, my family has had offers to increase job opportunities.  It would not be much change in salary, maybe a little more,  more independence, but also more riding on self.  There are pros and cons, what do you do?  What do you do when you are typically the one that leads and you have no answers for those waiting?  Then in the waiting, those holding out for you to lead start to get discourage and immediately say, "Let's not do this."  They think it must be the wrong way, because I am not leading in any direction.  At the same time,  I am in a position that making decisions effects at least 150 families in my community, not including a future story for a community that clings to it's historical roots.  In this position, decisions that need to be made are not wrong or right, but more matters of comfort and opinions.  However, either direction will have natural consequences, that will greatly effect the community and families.  I put all options on the table when making decisions.  I try not to do anything without weighing it all out.  When I do that others around me think that I am heading in one direction, but that typically is not the case.  I want to make informative decisions.  In the gathering of information, I also am trying to be still.  Is there a right or wrong path in any of these situations?  God waiting to hit me over the head?  Probably not, but I am sure there are some people that want to.  

This is what I know, when I need wisdom, I seek those who are wise.  When I want informed, I go to those that have information.  When I need peace as I go, I go to the place where I find it; Some meditate, pray, take walks, work out, but I go to the Bible.  It must be spoken to me.  There are 89 verses in the Bible that talk about making crooked paths straight.  But with two of them it is prefaced by stating, "Prepare the way the of the Lord."  Which means to me I must do something to prepare for the crooked path to be straight. My answer to that is, "Be still and know that I am God."  It is how I prepare.  If he dwells inside of me, and orders my steps, then wherever I plant my foot he is there.  Being still before I step,  prepares me to take my first step, and as I left my leg in a direction within the atmosphere of stirring, "Make room she is about to step, and she comes in the name of the Lord, because that is not an item of clothing to take on and off.  It is in her. Prepare the way. The crooked paths will become straight."  What I can be assure of no matter the decisions or directions I go, I am not alone.  My stillness is almost over, I am about ready to step.